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By Computer Quotations:
from the internet Edit MessageUploaded - 1 Jul 2002 16:56

Computer Quotations:

A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that worked. --John Gall

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of
handguns and tequila. --Mitch Ratliffe

A crash is when your competitor's program dies. When your program dies, it is an 'idiosyncrasy'. Frequently, crashes are
followed with a message like 'ID 02'. 'ID' is an abbreviation for
idiosyncrasy and the number that follows indicates how many
more months of testing the product should have had. --Guy

A program is a spell cast over a computer, turning input into
error messages. --Anonymous

All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy
actors. --Anonymous

Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
--Rich Kulawiec

As a rule, software systems do not work well until they have
been used, and have failed repeatedly, in real applications.
--Dave Parnas

As soon as we started programming, we found out to our
surprise that it wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had
thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the
exact instant when I realised that a large part of my life from
then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own
programs. --Maurice Wilkes

Bad Command or File Name. Good try, though. --Anonymous

BASIC - A programming language. Related to certain social
diseases in that those who have it will not admit it in polite
company. --Anonymous

Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers. --Leonard

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it
harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg. --Bjarne

C:\DOS... C:\DOS\RUN... \RUN\DOS\RUN -Anonymous

Cannot find REALITY.SYS...Universe Halted. --Anonymous

COFFEE.EXE missing. Insert cup and press any key.

Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a
million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like
Shakespeare! --Blair Houghton

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. --Pablo

Computers aren't intelligent, they only think they are.

Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.
--Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science,

Cyberspace: A consensual hallucination experienced daily by
billions of legitimate operators, in every nation. --William

Debugging is anticipated with distaste, performed with
reluctance, and bragged about forever. --Anonymous

Don't get suckered in by the comments ... they can terribly be
misleading. --Dave Storer

Earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can. --Anonymous

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... --Anonymous

Error reading FAT record. Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgmmng. --Anonymous

General Failure's Fault. Not Yours. --Anonymous

Genuinely skillful use of obscenities is uniformly absent on the
Internet. --Karl Kleinpaste

Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked. --Jeff

He who hasn't hacked assembly language as a youth has no
heart. He who does as an adult has no brain. --John Moore

Hit any user to continue. --Anonymous

I do not fear computers. I fear lack of them. --Isaac Asimov

I speak BASIC to clients, 1-2-3 to management, and mumble to
myself. --Anonymous

I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says
something about human nature that the only form of life we
have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in
our own image. --Stephen Hawking

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
--Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

I used to think that cyberspace was fifty years away. What I
thought was fifty years away, was only ten years away. And
what I thought was ten years away... it was already here. I just
wasn't aware of it yet. --Bruce Sterling

I worry about my child and the Internet all the time, even
though she's too young to have logged on yet. Here's what I
worry about. I worry that 10 or 15 years from now, she will
come to me and say 'Daddy, where were you when they took
freedom of the press away from the Internet?' -Mike Godwin

If a train station is where the train stops, what's a
workstation...? --Anonymous

If the automobile had followed the same development as the
computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million
miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone
inside. --Robert Cringely

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as
the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get one
million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing
everyone inside. --Robert X Cringely

If we can dispel the delusion that learning about computers
should be an activity of fiddling with array indexes and worrying
whether X is an integer or a real number, we can begin to focus
on programming as a source of ideas. --Harold Abelson

If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kick boxing.

If you put a billion monkeys in front of a billion typewriters
typing at random, they would reproduce the entire collected
works of Usenet in about ... five minutes. --Anonymous

If you're masochistic enough to program in ADA, we're not going
to stop you. --Matt Welsh

Information Superhighway is really an acronym for 'Interactive
Network For Organizing, Retrieving, Manipulating, Accessing And
Transferring Information On National Systems, Unleashing
Practically Every Rebellious Human Intelligence, Gratifying
Hackers, Wiseacres, And Yahoos'. --Keven Kwaku

Intel has announced its next chip: the Repentium. --Anonymous

Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some
people it is a complete substitute for life. --Andrew Brown

It's easy to cry 'bug' when the truth is that you've got a complex
system and sometimes it takes a while to get all the
components to co-exist peacefully. --Doug Vargas

Looking at the proliferation of personal web pages on the net, it
looks like very soon everyone on earth will have 15 Megabytes
of fame. --MG Siriam

Mosaic is the 1990s equivalent of forcing friends to sit through
slides of your trip to Florida - painful for everyone but the host.
--Steve G. Steinberg

Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window. --Steve

Old hackers never die. They just go to Bitnet. --Anonymous

Old programmers never die. They just branch out to a new
address. --Anonymous

Old programmers never die. They just can't C as well.

Ooops. My brain just hit a bad sector. --Anonymous

Optimisation hinders evolution. --Anonymous

Pascal keeps your hand tied. C gives you enough rope to hang
yourself. --Anonymous

Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand. --Anonymous

Perl - The only language that looks the same before and after
RSA encryption. --Keith Bostic

Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE! --Anonymous

Programming graphics in X is like finding the square root of PI
using Roman numerals. --Henry Spencer

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support
it for the rest of your life. --Michael Sinz

Programming today is a race between software engineers
striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the
Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the
Universe is winning. --Rich Cook

Real programmers are those that can sleep in front of terminals
... with their eyes opened. --ricS Real programmers can write
assembly code in any language. --Larry Wall

Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to
write, it should be hard to understand. --Anonymous

Real programmers don't work from 9 to 5. If any real
programmers are around at 9am it's because they were up all
night. --Anonymous

Real programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers
who can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.

Scandisk is now checking your hard disk. You can start praying.

Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue. --Anonymous

Sometimes it pays to stay in bed in Monday, rather than
spending the rest of the week debuging Monday's code. --Dan

Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_/ -Anonymous

Surfing on the Internet is like sex; everyone boasts about doing
more than they actually do. But in the case of the Internet, it's a
lot more. --Tom Fasulo

The best book on programming for the layman is Alice in
Wonderland; but that's because it's the best book on anything
for layman. --Anonymous

The best way to accelerate a Macintosh is at 9.8m/sec/sec.
--Marcus Dolengo

The computer is a moron. --Peter Drucker

The computer programmer is a creator of universes for which he
alone is responsible. Universes of virtually unlimited complexity
can be created in the form of computer programs. --Joseph

The danger from computers is not that they will eventually get
as smart as men, but we will meanwhile agree to meet them
halfway. --Bernard Avishai

The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last
at least until we've finished building it. --Anonymous

The Internet is like a giant jellyfish. You can't step on it. You
can't go around it. You've got to get through it. --John Evans

The Internet is like a vault with a screen door on the back. I
don't need jackhammers and atom bomb to get in when I can
walk through the door. --Anonymous

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts
agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer
professionals. We cause accidents. --Nathaniel Borenstein

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts
agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer
professionals. We cause accidents. --Nathaniel Borenstein

The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if
they foul up, there's no law against whacking them around a
little. --Porterfield

The Net is a waste of time, and that's exactly what's right about
it. --William Gibson

The NeXT Computer: The hardware makes it a PC, the software
makes it a workstation, the unit sales makes it a mainframe.

The robot is going to lose. Not by much. But when the final score
is tallied, flesh and blood is going to beat the damn monster.
--Adam Smith

The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out... --Anonymous

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD
and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence. --Jeremy S.

There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way
is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies,
and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no
obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
--C.A.R. Hoare

There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third
one works. --Anonymous

To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more
so. --Orben's Current Comedy

URLs are the 800 numbers of the 1990's. --Chris Clark

Usenet is like Tetris for people who still know how to read.
--Computer Museum (Boston)

Usenet isn't a right. It's a right, a left, and a swift uppercut to
the jaw. --Computer Museum (Boston)

Want to make your computer go really fast? Throw it out a
window. --Anonymous

WARNING: Keyboard Not Attached. Press F10 to Continue.

We're thinking about upgrading from SunOS 4.1.1 to SunOS 3.5.
--Henry Spencer

What goes up must come down. Ask any system administrator.

Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.

Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk?

Why doesn't DOS ever say EXCELLENT command or filename!

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